Some Thoughts Before the Monumental Half…
This post is probably going to boring to read. Sorry about that. I just need to get some thoughts down and out of my head before I run on Saturday.
I’ve been second-guessing my decision to run the Monumental Half for the past 2 weeks. I’m not trained the way I thought’d I be and it’s really been discouraging. When I originally started training for this race I was going to attempt to break 2 hours. That’s just not going to happen and I’m coming to terms with that. I think I knew that goal was off the table a few weeks ago. Training has been all over the place because of some odd things going on with Hubby’s work schedule. I’ve been running around like a chicken with my head cut off just trying to keep up with work and kids and so. much. laundry. all. the. time. It hasn’t helped that I’ve been traveling SO much since July so the weekends when I could have been catching up on chores and fitting my long runs in were spent elsewhere. I’m not really upset about that and I don’t think I’d change it.
I’m just struggling to come to terms with the fact that sometimes I can’t do it all.
Don’t tell anyone I just admitted that.
I think that’s what the core struggle is for me. I’m used to being able to fit everything in. I’m good at managing things. Work. Family Life. To do lists. But sometimes life can’t just be “managed”. Sometimes it gets messy and unpredictable and it’s usually all at once. I don’t do well with messy and unpredictable. I’m fine with physical messes – the messes my kids make every day, the mud that the dogs track all over the house when it rains, even the mess that somehow magically appears in my car not 15 minutes after I clean it. It’s the mess of having 5 half-finished projects hanging over my head and then stopping in the middle of something else because one kid needs a new diaper and the other one just spilled a cup of milk on the couch. I’m being swallowed up by my “to-dos” and it’s making me anxious.
I know what the solution is. Hubby’s schedule goes back to normal next month and I just need to take on one thing at a time until then. Easier said that done. But that brings me back to why I’m feeling so “meh” about this race Saturday. It’s because I didn’t put my whole heart into training and I know I could have done better. Being faster isn’t everything, but doing your best is. And I know this won’t be my best. Yes, there’s a chance I could still pull out a small PR if I can put myself through the discomfort it’s going to require. What’s killing me is that I know I’m capable of running a 2-hour half marathon without discomfort. I just need to spend the 3 months beforehand really working for it.
So, I’m going to set some new goals for this weekend and document them here.
A Goal: PR (2:09:26)
I’m sure at some point in my running life it will become unimportant (or impractical?) to think I could PR at every race. But today is not that day. Even if the chance is slim, this is still my “A” goal.
B Goal: 2:15:00
That’s about 10:18 per mile which I should be able to maintain with some effort, but not so much that I won’t be able to do anything for the rest of the day.
C Goal: Run strong. Don’t break mentally.
I know, it’s abstract, but to it makes sense to me. I always have this point about 3/4 into any long run where I’m thinking, “do I really want to be doing this right now?” and then my mind starts playing games with me. I want to avoid that this Saturday, especially with all the mental battles I’ve already been fighting lately. I want to be at peace in my head and I want to enjoy the day.
2 more days.
I’ll let you know how it goes 😉